I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
