When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
