Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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