I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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