Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
