Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
