after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
