if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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