it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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