Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
