I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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