I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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