My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
