i need an iv and a liver transplant
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Still dying that you shit outside
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
