I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
