I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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