get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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