How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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