Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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