By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
