I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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