OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
