I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
