Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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