I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
