Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
