I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
