what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hippo gnu deer
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
