Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
