OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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