whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
