Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
