I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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