bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
