He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
