Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
