I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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