That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize