update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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