Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
