Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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