I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
