It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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