so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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