You really coming over, don't trick.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
