just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
