Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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