Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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