My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
