First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
