shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
