PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
