My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
