i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dear god my vagina.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
