I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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